undertaker's role
(The following is a letter, written by a undertaker in response to a request for information about the work of an undertaker to help with the training of people to lead funerals.)
J. & D. Lawson Ltd.
9 Kilsyth Road, Kirkintilloch
Glasgow G66 1QF
Dear Nigel,
Role of the Funeral Director
Here are a few thoughts about the role of the Funeral Director
(or if you prefer less pomp the Undertaker) and how we connect with the
Clergy when doing our job.
First and foremost, we must be able to react like an emergency service. That is, at short notice, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Our aim is a response time of one hour or less. This feature of our work may not seem the most important until you need it. When that situation arises it is all that you want. If a Minister / Priest is called to a house after a death he / she should be able to rely on this back up. The quicker we can react to a difficult death in a private house the more confidence a Family will have in our ability to co-ordinate, arrange and conduct the events leading up to the Funeral and, of course, the Funeral itself.
Gaining that confidence is a large part of taking the pressure and strain from our Clients, leaving them to get on with the complex emotions of loss. This is done as you know with a combination of experience, knowledge and personality most of which can be learned, however, it is probably better for everyone if it is felt. This aspect of our work has parallels with your own. Funeral Directing has a degree of vocation about it.
Once the initial contact has been made we must progress quickly. This is what our Clients want. Our goal on the first day of contact is to have a time, date and a place for the Funeral Service arranged. This is not always possible, but progress can always be made in the right direction. This goal, when achieved, seems to help Families settle down. A palpable relief can be achieved. It lets people spread the news. When the telephone starts to ring in the evening, concerned people can be told in one call instead of many return calls. Obviously, early contact with whoever is likely to be taking the Service is vital (mobile phone anybody?). It helps people feel connected. It can solve problems with commitments before they arise. (Sorry, getting on a hit of a soapbox here).
The benefits of early communication are many for all concerned. It may even be the secret to helping a Family approach the way they are feeling as opposed to what they still have to do. Our relationship with local Clergy comes sharply into focus at this point. We do not take for granted the fact that we feel confident to call any Minister or Priest in the district (especially you John (sic)) whilst with a Family group.
I hope that this confidence is reflected in the accurate feedback and reliable help we can provide to any of the local Churches up to and on the dav of a Funeral (beyond our at need funeral services we do provide a sounding board for people, an information and advice service and free pie-planning service alongside our pre-paid Funeral Plans).
Once the three big questions have been answered (when?, where? and who?), the detailed planning can begin.
We always arrange: the collection of the Deceased, collection, production and delivery; of all relevant documentation, we pay out disbursements on peoples' behalf that is costs to them directly (flowers, catering, gratuities and fees). We give out our best advice on all aspects of the proposed Service, guiding people away from the inappropriate and unworkable whilst encouraging individuality and attention to detail. Our knowledge of the various needs, conditions, rules and limitations at all local Churches, Cemeteries, Crematoriums, Hotels and our own premises can help bring together a smooth and dignified Service. Circumstances and personal change and a constant evolution take place to the point that over a ten year period Big Changes are felt.
We often arrange for flowers, catering, transport, newspaper notices, hymn sheets, organists, viewing of deceased, headstones, ashes, interments.
We sometimes arrange for international transportation (import and export), embalming of Deceased, for Funerals to take place anywhere in Britain (mostly Scotland). It is achieved largely through the co-operation of all concerned. Something that we should look after as it is quite a rarity these days.
Over the years I have arranged accommodation, worn a top hat as requested, buried someone in a home made coffin, placed a giant (and I mean giant) leek and two huge onions a coffin at the Crematorium instead of flowers. Played "Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire" as retiral music at Daldowie and a lot more besides. That is what keeps it interesting. Ours is a fantastic job, small scale important, people based with a polished end product (no, not the coffin silly - the Funeral Day itself).
I don't know if this is any help. It sort of came out differently to what I expected.
See you soon, Nigel,
Yours sincerely
Alistair Lawson