approaching christian marriage
We are glad that you are considering a Christian marriage ceremony and are thankful that you have chosen to approach us concerning this. Let us make our position clear at the outset which is that we will be pleased to join you in performing the ceremony if you ask us to. However, before you make that decision, it is right that you should understand clearly our approach to, and view of marriage, in order that you might be sure that we are the ones to share with you in this. Here is an indication as to what we believe, which be helpful in this.
1] WHAT IS INVOLVED IN "MARRIAGE"?
We believe that the bible contains God's intention of what the committment of marriage involves :
A BIBLICAL VIEW OF MARRIAGE
Then the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him." So he took some soil from the ground and formed all the animals and all the birds. Then he brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and that is how they all got their names; but not one of them was a suitable companion to help him. Then the Lord God made the man fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, He took out one of the mans ribs and closed up the flesh. He formed a woman out of the rib and brought her to him. Then the man said, "At last, here is one of my own kind - Bone of my bone, flesh from my flesh. "Woman" is her name because she was taken out of man" That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and they become one.
(Genesis 2:18-24)
From these and other scriptures it is possible to build up a picture of the biblical ideal in marriage. It should have the following features :
A) Companionship
Marriage was instituted primarily for life long friendship (vs18). It is God's design that partners are "best friends".
B) Separation
The couple leave their respective families and set up a new one (vs24). This involves a re-ordering of priorities. Their prime obligation is now to their partner and to the new home that has been established
C) Commitment
It is an exclusive and permenant relationship with the one person. This is recognised by the parties in their vows - they give their word that they will commit themselves totally to one another till death parts them. We bear witness to the vows made to each other and before God "What God has joined together, man must not seperate"" (Matthew19:6)
D) Union
A relationship is consumated by the act of intercourse and two people are joined by God. They become "one flesh" - a physical and spiritual union. (Genesis 2:23; Matthew19:6; 1 Corinthians 6:15-17; Ephesians 5:31) Marriage and the committment to a life long, exclusive relationship to one person, is therefore the only context for such a union.
2] WHAT IS THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT?
The law recognises two people as being "married" who have signed the prescribed document in front of 3 witnesses one of which must be a registrar or another authorised person e.g. a minister of religion.
3] WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A CHRISTIAN WEDDING?
It is an expression of a common faith held by a couple. They make their vows not only to one another but before God and seek Christ's blessing on their household.
4] WHO IS INVOLVED IN THE CEREMONY?
The Christian marriage ceremony differs from the civil ceremony in that it is not only a legal contract between two people and witnessed by others, but it actualy involves others too. It is an event performed in the sight of God and with His people - the church. For this reason, it is important in the context of the ceremony that both parties - those being married and those performing the it, are in basic agreement as to the significance of what is happening.
5] CONTEMPORARY ISSUES
A) Living together
In such a committed relationship, we believe that in God's eyes the union / "marriage" has taken place. If this is the case, what we are can do as a church is to
- a) enable the commitment of the participants in the relationship under law - (sign the register);
- b) conduct a ceremony celebrating the relationship and seeking the blessing of God on the union.
The form of the ceremony would be similar to a standard marriage ceremony with the vows and the signing of the register, but it would be in the understanding that the relationship of marriage was already existent. We encourage couples, for the sake of integrity, to review some of symbolism of the service e.g. normally, the bride is led down the ailse and presented to the bridegroom by the father. This symbolises her leaving one household and joining another. If this has already occurred, we suggest the couple enter together.
B) Divorce
The only grounds for divorce in God's sight is adultery (Matthew 5:32). However, by God’s grace, after mistakes have been made and acknowledged, He gives us all new starts. If a couple have been divorced, the approach to another marriage should be:
- looking back : An attitude of repentance and a seeking of forgiveness and cleansing in Christ (1 John 1:9). This involves saying sorry to God and to the people we have wronged. As well as dealing with this personally, during the service, an opportunity will be sensitively given to those who have not kept previous marriage vows, to respond to a question asking if those who have are sorry for past mistakes.
- looking forward : A resovle to keep the vows. The commitment is "...till death shall part us". Couples making these are giving their solemn word / guarantee that they will never leave each other.
We do not want to set ourselves up as judge as to what you do or do not believe, and for this reason will leave the decision in your hands as to whether or not we should conduct the ceremony. It is important that oth those getting married and those solemnising the marriage aree in agreement.
If you ask us to marry you we will assume that we are in agreement and will be delighted to join in your marriage. (It is our practice to include the above "Biblical view of marriage" as an insert into the order of service as a declaration of the agreement of those involved as to the significance and meaning of what is taking place).
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